Tuesday, January 19, 2016

On Getting Older

On the eve of my 29th birthday, I can't help but think that this will be the last year I can say I'm in my 20's.  And I know that you're supposed to celebrate getting older and being wiser. And the whole adage, "age gracefully". But dammit, I don't want to get older. I still remember when I thought 30 was old. When did it stop being that way? I mean, I think of 50 as old but when I really stop and think about it, it's only 21 years away. The first 21 years of my life went pretty quick. It's like you spend your whole life waiting to be older and you collect all the milestone birthdays, 10 (double digits), 13, 16, 18, 21, and then before you know it, you're almost 30 and wondering where it all went.  

I remember when Errol turned 30 a couple years ago and he fought it kicking and screaming and yet here I am, twenty nine, and fighting it kicking and screaming. When your 30, your supposed to be a grown up, you're supposed to have this life that's like the movies; a great career that is fulfilling and pays you lots of money, a large, beautifully curated house filled with a successful husband and 2 kids. I don't have any of that, not that I want it all but aren't you supposed to feel older and more mature.  I still struggle to do my chores and budget my money. And if I'm honest, I suffer from Peter Pan Syndrome. I don't want to grow up. I want to be in this in between stage longer; where you're not quite expected to have things figured out and you can still be irresponsible once in a while and it not be a mid-life crisis. So yes, I am struggling a little bit with turning 29.  The older I get, the more I don't want to get older.

Truth be told...:
So tell me I'm not the only one that feels this way about getting older. Tell me that my 30's will be even better and I won't even remember feeling this way.....until 39 rolls around.  Tell me that it's perfectly acceptable to not be a grown up at 30, to not have my life figured out. Tell me that 30's when you do figure it all out.

PS Don't forget to enter my birthday giveaway
PPS Sticking this here because I'm having a moment with this song right now.

2 comments:

  1. You are speaking my truth in this post! I'm not good at adulting and apparently that is what I am these days. Treat yourself wth a nice adult beverage and call that a celebration ;)

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  2. *cough, cough* A "wise" reader in her forties will now comment:
    Without question, I grew the most as a person in my 30s. I faced fears, dove deep into myself when I needed to, and learned so much about myself. I feel it's helped me live a happier life in my forties.
    I fucking...(I hope you don't mind me cursing, but it is not strong enough of a sentiment if I leave that word out of this sentence)...I fucking hate the fact that I am seven and a half years away from fifty. That's just crazy talk to me. Happy birthday week!

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